


Magic Tricks

by Methoxyethane



Category: Bleach
Genre: Crack, Crackverse, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-09-02
Updated: 2008-09-02
Packaged: 2017-10-26 04:59:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/278972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Methoxyethane/pseuds/Methoxyethane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Ichigo distracts and confuses Shinigami, and several people sustain injury. CRACK.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Magic Tricks

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: . . This is the fault of both Lexis-han, who came up with half of it, but also hu3long2, who convinced me it should actually be posted. Blame them.

Yachiru bounced happily up to Ichigo. "Ichi, Ichi!"

He looked down at her."Yeah, what is it you little terror?"

"Can I have some of your blood? I want a snack."

"What the hell? What are you, a vampire all of the sudden?"

"No, but Rukia told me that your blood was strawberry jam, and I want some!"

"What the hell! My blood isn't jelly! She just lied."

"No way! Rukia would never lie!"

"Of course she would! She does all the time, just to piss me off!"

"Well, she's never lied to ME! So gimme some of your strawberry jam!"

"I don't have any damned strawberry jam! Just blood! Regular, metallic-tasting blood!"

"Nuh-uh! Gimme some, Ichi! Gimme some!"

"Go the hell away!"

At these words, Yachiru began to sob uncontrolably, and with her tears a scarring torrent of reiatsu expelled from her, practically knocking Ichigo off of his feet.

"AUGH! Jesus CHRIST! Alright, here! Have some of my blood, just stop freaking crying allready!" He said, holding his arm out towards her.

She immediately brightened up, took out her sword and made a deep gash in his arm, then swiping her finger across it to sample the taste. "HEY! This really is just blood!"

"That's what I TOLD you!"

"Then that means... Rukia lied to me!"

Rukia walked in. "I lied to you about what?"

"Ichi's blood! It's not strawberry jam! It's not strawberry jam at all!"

"My arm's bleeding an awful lot..."

"That's ridiculous! I tasted it myself, and it was most definitely strawberry!"

"What the hell? When did you taste my blood?"

"You told me to taste it! It was at that picinic, remember?"

"Oh, for god's sake! That was like, a joke!"

"But I tasted it! It was strawberry jelly!"

"Yeah, but it WASN'T my blood! Jesus, do I need a bandage for this? It's still bleeding..."

"I don't get it, how did you do that, then?"

"It was like a magic trick! God, I should've known you guys couldn't take a simple trick. I mean, Renji was trying to get coins out of his ear for a month..."

"Huh? What are you talking about?"

He sighed, and quickly moved his hand behind her head, sweeping his fingers behind her ear as he pulled his hand back, a quarter nestled in his fingers.

"I just did that."

"OH MY GOD! There was a coin in there? How did you find it?"

"There WASN'T a coin in your ear, it was in my hand the whole time."

"No way! I saw you pull it out!"

"Oh, for god's sake, you idiot!"

Byakuya calmly stalked in, glancing at his befuddled sister-in-law. "What's wrong,Rukia?"

"There was a coin! In my ear! Ichigo pulled it out!"

"A coin? What kind of coin?"

"I don't know, a quarter, maybe? It was in my EAR, Nii-sama!"

"I see... So basically, your ear is some kind of money fountain..."

"?"

Byakuya quickly struck out, grabbing Rukia's ear.

"Like this? Or was it inside?"

"OW! Don't do that! OW! Oh, GOD, I'm BLEEDING!"

"There don't seem to be any coins, though..."

"OW! I can't hear out of this ear any more!"

"Ichigo, I demand to know how you retrieved that quarter from her ear."

"There was never one IN there!" He sighed, and rested his forehead in his hands. He looked up after a moment, and reached out to Byakuya's face.

"Hey, Byakuya- got you nose."

"Ah! My nose! My beautiful nose! How- Give that back!"

Ichigo complied, touching his thumb to Byakuya's nose and once again withdrawing his hand.

"There ya go."

Byakuya touched his nose. "It's back? So easily?"

Ichigo reached out again. "Got your nose."

"Stop that! I need that!"

Renji came in. "Eh? What's going on here? Rukia's screaming about her ear bleeding or something..."

"Renji! He took my nose!"

"...Are ya sure? Looks like it's still there to me..."

"My arm is STILL bleeding... Anyone have any bandages or something?"

"Goodness! Do I... Do I have two noses?"

"OH GOD! MY EAR IS BLEEDING!"

"You just might. Here lemme-" Renji reached towards Byakuya, pulling roughly on the noble's nose.

"Ow! Cut that out!" Byakuya retorted, slapping his hand away.

"But- just lemme-" Renji tried again, and was met with another slap to the wrist.

"Quit that!"

Renji continued trying to yank on Byakuya's nose, and was continually met with a series of slaps.

"Hey, Renji, look at this" Ichigo interrupted, as Byakuya went to find a mirror to check if his nose was still intact (Which, aside from being slightly reddened from Renji's abuse, it was).

"Eh? What is it?"

Ichigo held out his left hand, thumb bent, and held the fist two fingers of his right hand over the bent joint, hiding his right thumb beneath the same two fingers. He then began to slide his right hand foward and backwards, making it appear as though he was taking his left thumb with it.

"OH MY GOD! What happened to your thumb?"

Ichigo then held out both hands in front of himself, dislpaying his perfectly intact set of fingers. "Nothing."

"What the- how did you DO that!"

Ichigo, deciding that everyone was well occupied for at least an hour, went to find the fourth division. Failing that, he ended up asking Ishida to sew up his arm, who not only did a spectacular job of doing so, he even embroidered a flower into his stitches.

Rukia never did regain hearing in that ear.


End file.
